Work, Play, and War

     Toy guns. Foam swords. Contact sports. Endless energy. The urge to win. These things tend to characterize boyhood and the overall desires of boys and how they want to play and interact with each other. However, most people do not stop to consider that there could be a very real and biblical reason for why most boys are drawn to activities that create a rush of adrenaline, that throw them head first into competition with each other, and that mimic war. 

     The overall roles and strengths of men and women are critical to understand before we approach more specific roles, like those of a spouse or a parent. Here we will look at the biblical role of a man, the role of a woman, why an imbalance of these roles is damaging, and what we as women specifically can do to encourage biblical masculinity in our friends, husbands, and sons. The family unit and the church as a whole is hurting because we do not have enough men who will lead with valor, zeal, and boldness. These characteristics are often developed through experiences like enduring threats or preparing for war which are not that common any more, especially in the United States. Thus, we will examine some thoughts on why and how to encourage biblical manhood, starting with young boys, and some of the reasons as to why this is more lacking than it used to be. Though the arguments about the roles of men and women in this article are based in Scripture, the application of these truths to manhood today is based in opinion and logical deduction.

     To first discover if the aforementioned desires are even good or if we should encourage them in boys, we will look at Scripture. Though not every man will be in a pastoral position or eldership, the qualifications for elders/overseers listed in 1 Timothy are a solid guide for any man who wants to glorify God in how he lives. 1 Timothy 3:1-7 includes qualities such as being self-controlled, respectable, above reproach, sexually pure and faithful, not given over to alcohol, not idolizing money, managing his household and children well, etc. This may sound as though this ideal picture is a man who is rather reserved and docile. However, for this role to be executed well, the man must be a firm and avid protector of his wife, his children, and his church. Passive men cannot fulfill that role. 

     This is not to say that men should go the entirely opposite direction and be desirous of violence and destruction. Although, you may notice that the violent end of the spectrum here is what many men revert to when they are not self-controlled Christians. Unregenerate men especially often resort to terrible acts of violence when their sinful desires are not harnessed and changed by the Holy Spirit. This does not mean that the overall tendency toward violent and aggressive behavior is all bad, though. When controlled and used for the right purposes, this quality is an incredible one that men should have and use when necessary. 

     Take the Apostle Paul, for example. Before Christ saved him and changed his heart, Paul (previously named Saul before his conversion) persecuted the church and attempted to destroy it (Galatians 1:13). After God changed his heart, Paul did not become mild and passive. He used the same level of zeal he previously had against the church and used it for the church. He was unbelievably bold and courageous because of what the Holy Spirit did through him. 

     Another example of a man whose competence in war and leadership was praised: King David. Even as a very young man, he was noticed for his excellent skill and valor: “One of the young men answered, “Behold, I have seen a son of Jesse the Bethlehemite, who is skillful in playing, a man of valor, a man of war, prudent in speech, and a man of good presence, and the Lord is with him” (1 Samuel 16:18). Why were these things praised? Because they were the pinnacle of a man who had kingly qualities. The best leaders are those who are not afraid to make the right decision, despite the consequences it may cause. They are willing to lead their people into war, whether figurative or literal, and accept the possibility that they could be terribly hurt. They are willing to sacrifice themselves for the greater good, and especially for the cause of Christ. 

     Despite culture’s current push for it, the role of the woman is not the same as the role of the man. It is not the exact opposite, either; the roles of men and women are not contradictory or clashing, they are complementary. They work together in beautiful synchrony to let each role thrive to their fullest potential.

     There are several different places in Scripture that detail the biblical role of a woman. Common passages include Genesis 2:18-25, Proverbs 31:10-31, Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2, and 1 Peter 3:1-7. Each of these can have plenty of discussion and teaching on their own, but there are a few underlying themes that are common across these passages in Scripture. First, it is important to note that men and women are equal in worth in the eyes of God (Galatians 3:28). Their roles, however, are vastly different. Women are the helpers, the nurturers, the encouragers, the keepers of the household. They fiercely protect their children and will stand up for what is right for their own families. But women are not warriors, not in the way that men are designed to be. Women provide the softness and the compassionate perspective that a warrior may lack. Men provide the stability and the protection that a woman may lack. These are generalizations, of course, but the point here is that the role of a woman is different, and we may need the zealous, adrenaline-loving, raging warrior qualities that men can provide. This is not to say that men cannot or should not be compassionate, or that women are lacking in zeal. But, the strengths of one complement the strengths of the other. We are still all called to obedience to Christ, and obedience includes things like godly compassion and zeal, for example. 

     Biblical masculinity is not “toxic,” as our culture would say. It is necessary for a well-functioning family, church, society, and government. One of the reasons that, especially in America, so many men have been drawn into passivity and the thinking that they must grow more and more docile as they mature is because women have told them so. Many women intervene when men start to get competitive with their friends, saying they need to be more mature than that. We stop our husbands from roughhousing with our children for fear of injury. We may request they stay home instead of going to do something physically active or competitive because it seems like something that is less important than what we had in mind. These are generalizations, once again, but there seems to be a need for men to have an outlet for intense play, competition, roughhousing, games, strategy, etc. The majority of young men (with noteworthy exceptions of those in our armed forces who have served in recent conflicts) have not been faced with the reality that they have to prepare to go to war, real war, or that they might get drafted to go fight. Most have not faced imminent threats on their life or their family’s lives that caused their protector quality to engage. War creates strong men, and when there is not a present reality of needing to potentially sacrifice your life for the good of those you love, there is a desire for intensity and competition that cannot fully be met. Most people do not have a threat to survival hanging over their heads. In a culture where mild, muted men who cannot challenge the status quo are praised, there is no incentive for men to prepare for the worst. 

     This is not a doomsday talk, but as women, we should not only be encouraging femininity among fellow women, but also be encouraging masculinity among the men we know. Especially for those who are married, it is critical to encourage husbands to, on a lower scale, mimic the desire to fight, protect, and compete. Men should not participate in things that are not loving toward their brother in Christ, but as women our perspective of what is loving between men is often skewed. Roughhousing and intense competition often are an expression of love and brotherhood among men. Being loving and being docile are not equal. In short, then, we should encourage men to engage in activities that allow them even in small ways to “prepare for war” through their work and their play. This is not a warning that literal war is imminent, but it could be. We have historically lacked persecution against Christianity in America, but there is likely a time coming when that will no longer be the case. Despite the historically relative lack in physical war conflicts, though, we are waging a huge spiritual war constantly. The things we may consider useless and wasteful games can actually act as development for the characteristics we need for men to fight this spiritual war. The protection of the church and the advance of the Kingdom are not light tasks that we can be indifferent to. We need warrior men to lead their families and their churches to be bold and to stand firm, and that cannot happen if we do not let men be men. Beyond just “letting” them, though, we should encourage it. Encourage them to engage in healthy but intense competition, to conquer something challenging, or to play strategy games. Note that war is not the end goal here. This is used as an example because when war lacks, men grow weaker and more passive. But the other things mentioned like intense competition, for example, make men passionate and driven because there is loss and reward. It is okay to encourage a boy to be the best player on his basketball team. If he knows how to celebrate a win and study a loss, he will be well-benefitted. The key is to teach him to avoid boasting in their own abilities, but rather to boast in the abilities God has given him. We often confuse humility with a lack of skill, but this is not a biblical way to look at it. We need men who can rise to the top of whatever their skillset is and use it to bring glory to Christ. A winning mindset is not a bad thing, so long as that fiery zeal is used for Christ and not just their own gain. Having men in the church who are excellent at what they do is extremely beneficial to the church. Can a church send someone to the mission field who is timid, shy, and afraid? No! They have to send their best man to get the job done. To start encouraging men to be men, then, we have to encourage boys to be boys. It starts early, but the blessings we reap as women from being surrounded by masculine, God-fearing men are many. Women can be women when men are truly men, and this amazing relationship glorifies God–and that is the chief end of all mankind. 

* All Scripture in this article is referenced from the English Standard Version (ESV) translation.