Biblical Forgiveness

     Isn’t saying “I’m sorry” the same thing as asking for forgiveness? Are you not saying you feel bad for doing something? You are apologizing when you say, “I’m sorry,” but that is not the same thing as asking for forgiveness, nor is that the biblical example given to us when we are told to ask for forgiveness. That should not be the end of the conversation and it also does not solve the problem or truly understand the depth of the thing we are apologizing, or more truly, asking for biblical forgiveness for

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What is Biblical Forgiveness? 

     That brings up the first topic of importance. What exactly is biblical forgiveness and what is the difference between that and saying, “I’m sorry” or any other common apology you hear? Biblical forgiveness is understanding that, first and foremost, when we sin we are sinning against God, His holy nature, and commands. Which is our greatest good to follow these commands and become closer to His likeness. Psalm 51:4 says, “Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment.” This Psalm was written by King David after he sinned gravely by committing adultery with Bathsheba, another man's wife, then had her husband murdered. So, even though he obviously sinned against Bathsheba and her husband, David recognized that he sinned against God first and foremost, for He is the judge of all sin (Genesis 39:9, Romans 3:23).*

     Second, we are sinning against those created in the image of God. Even unbelievers are created in God’s image and have eternal souls, which we must cherish and treat with love and respect. (Genesis 1:26-27, Isaiah 42:5) We have a special love for fellow believers due to our shared relationship with God. We have salvation in common; God has raised us to new life through Christ who took our punishment for sin upon Himself. These truths should cause us to forgive and love those who are lost and blinded by sin so that they too may see the grace of God in our lives.God may use our witness to them to bring them to Himself (Revelation 20:10). 

     Now biblical forgiveness, as I have already said, is not just saying you are sorry. It is specifically asking someone to forgive you for the sin you have committed against them and God. It is critical to say what sin(s) you committed against them and to avoid excuses. For example, saying that you are tired or that you have had a bad day are not valid excuses for sin. Nothing can cause us to sin; when we sin, we are choosing it over righteousness every time. This is why sin is held as a debt against us that needs forgiveness. No circumstances, people, nothing can make us sin. We must take responsibility for our sin and ask those whom we have sinned against for forgiveness. Specific, humble, and repentant forgiveness. We cannot just be sorry we were caught in sin; we must truly want to stop sinning. Our desire should no longer be to spit on the glory of God, cause harm to ourselves, or cause harm to others-and sin accomplishes all three (Ephesians 4:21-24, Colossians 3:5-10, 12-13).

     When others ask us for forgiveness, we are to forgive them right away to not allow room for grudges or bitterness. These only cause strife and they harm your relationships with that person and with God. However, we are not to run up to someone who has hurt us in the past and sinned against us and tell them we forgive them. First, they may not know that they hurt you. Second, you may have been in the wrong and taken offense when you should not have, held a grudge, or been too sensitive. Third, you should not enable them in their sin if they have not come to repentance and Godly grief. However, you should forgive them in your heart, no matter the sin. Even if we sin and fall short of perfection as we are unfortunately destined to do this side of Heaven, we must forgive immediately as soon as we come to repentance of that sin. Jesus said that when we are at the altar preparing to give an offering to God, we are to check ourselves and see if we are holding anything against our brother or are angry with them. We are to IMMEDIATELY go and forgive them. We must not be tardy when it comes to forgiveness (Matthew 5:23-25, Colossians 3:13, Mark 11:25).

When should I forgive? 

     God says we are to forgive, but how often and when are we to forgive? To whom do we offer forgiveness? When someone asks us to forgive we must forgive them, but we also must forgive those who are unrepentant of their sin. In Matthew 18:21-35 Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother - is seven times enough? This probably seems like a fair question to most of us since we are not prone to forgive someone for the same offense multiple times. But Jesus tells a parable where a king forgives one of his servants a debt he could never repay, but that same servant then goes and strangles a man for a meager sum and puts him in prison. The king, when he hears of this, brings that servant back to his court and throws him in prison never to be released. Many other places we are told by Jesus and throughout Scripture to forgive others. Earlier in Matthew when Jesus is teaching the disciples how to pray, He tells them to ask forgiveness from God like they forgive others. Although this can bring up some theological questions too lengthy for this article, this is an obvious showcase of God’s expectations for forgiveness in our lives. For if we are His children we will forgive. He commands so (Matthew 6:9-15, Mark 11:25, Luke 17:3-4, Colossians 3:13). 

     So how about when someone does not ask us to forgive them? Are we supposed to walk up to them and tell them we forgive them? Do we go into detail? Do we leave it vague, and just tell them that something they did made us feel bad or hurt? Do we ask them to ask us to forgive them? What does it mean to forgive from the heart? First, do not just walk up to someone who sinned against you and say you forgive them. They will have no idea what you are forgiving them for, and they may not even think what they did is wrong. You may be enabling them to keep on sinning without understanding what God says through the Bible about the issue or repenting of their sin(s). We should be specific when forgiving someone. Do not just say, “Oh, it’s fine, no big deal.” Sin is always a big deal, especially when someone is asking for forgiveness. If you are vague and not specific, they may not think you are truly giving them the forgiveness that they are seeking, and you are not treating them as God would have us treat a brother/sister who is repenting and seeking reconciliation for a wrong done. We are called to give grace and forgive them, just like Christ forgave us. The relationship cannot be fully mended if left like that. Never just say that something someone did made you feel bad or was mean. There should be specific shared about the sin, not just feelings or misunderstandings. For example, if someone snaps at you and is angry, that will not make you feel very good, but more than that, it is not Christlike. It is being selfish and idolizing/”needing” something either inherently sinful or something that is amoral but that becomes an idol (when you sin to get it or sin when you are denied it). An example would be us getting angry at someone for not treating us in a certain way that we have told ourselves we need. Instead, we are to trust in God’s sovereign will and goodness and be fully complete in Him. We are not to be angry over not getting our idol, whatever that may be: control, comfort, pleasure, anything. When they ask for forgiveness both parties need to understand the gravity of the sin and understand that it was not just feelings hurt but a sin. It is not neutral morally, but against God’s law. It is not worshiping God and worshiping self or man more than Him. Then the person asking for forgiveness is asking for that person to forgive them for sinning against them, not for being caught, or just because it is nice to do so. But because they truly want that relationship to be mended, and their relationship with God to be mended, to once again be tabernacling with Him, not having sin muddle our view of God.  

     Back to forgiving from the heart, we are always to forgive someone who sins against us immediately from the heart so we do not hold a grudge against them in our hearts. If they never ask you to forgive them, then, your heart is right with the Lord and you have been hopeful waiting for their repentance. We do not continually think about that one time they did something. We do not stop talking to them because they did that thing once. God forgave us even in our sin;we were still actively against God and His enemy, but He forgave us. How can we not then forgive those who sin against us when He has given us this great example? We can forgive from the heart anytime; you do not need to wait until someone asks for forgiveness. That is only enabling yourself to live in sin. Also, holding a grudge or harboring bitterness does no good; though it feels like you may have power or control over the person, these are sin. You never have control over someone else by being angry and hating them. You are only holding yourself captive. You are limiting your own joy, grace, and happiness, as well as friendships and memories with that person, by holding on to that memory and grudge. Bitterness will eat away at your soul. Your relationship with God has a barrier formed where you may not be able to feel God’s presence as deeply when you are angry at someone and therefore angry at God for allowing that thing to happen or having them repent. Our idols and sins also tell us many tales of how great we will feel and how much power we will have by holding on to them. They can tell us how happy we will be by holding on to that grudge and being bitter while we watch that person suffer under our disdain and hate. Idols tell us we can be our own God and be the center of the world - that we should be everyone's main objective, to always be the one who needs pleased. Our idols may say that, “if our plan fails, everything is wrong, and we need everyone to right it.” But God is the one who has the plan that is best, and it will happen whether we like it or not. And that suffering we undertook from that person or circumstance is exactly what we needed to become more like Christ in some way, shape, and form, if we are true followers of Christ.  

     Biblical forgiveness does not mean that does not mean that we ignore sin. It means that we will not hold grudges against those who have sinned against us, nor will we slander them while awaiting an apology. But it does include biblical reconciliation. Biblical forgiveness includes wanting what is best for the person you are forgiving. That may mean confronting them in humility to lead them to the Lord. We may need to start the process of church discipline. We do not ignore the penalties of sin if required. Depending on the severity, there may be jail time, monetary payment, or whatever is necessary. Sin is sin, and we must never forget that, even when we forgive them.  

So, Forgive... Always 

     Christ calls us to forgive each other always, even when the other person does not ask for it, or even know about it. We forgive by being specific in what we are asking forgiveness for. We recognize that we have sinned, not just against a person, but more importantly against God. We should be asking for forgiveness and repenting of our sin, not just being sorry for being caught. Always remember that holding on to grudges and harboring bitterness will do nothing but eat away at us. It does nothing good and gets in the way of our relationships with others and God. We must follow church discipline and bring about reconciliation whenever possible.  

*All Scripture in this article is referenced from the English Standard Version (ESV) translation.